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Friday, February 20, 2004

i wish i could go to saysi tomorrow and open the door to see verdi look up at me from his powerbook and yell my name. i cant beleive how much i take things for granted. they could just disapear at any moment. when you least expect it. i was having trouble figuring out this flash tutorial and i was planning on asking him for help on saturday. but he wont be there. people are trying to get him back and im trying to help out too, i wrote a letter to the board and all, but im afraid we might be getting false hopes by doing all this. i just want things to be the way they used to be. im ok with change but not when its this sudden. i was planning on telling verdi goodbye at the Hello/Goodbye ceremony when i graduate from high school. not in the middle of my sophomore year. i mean, not that this is good bye or anything. at least i hope it isnt. im just used to knowing a change is coming. like finishing middle school, i knew i would have to leave my friends when 8th grade was over, or marcella, John and Harris graduating, or Jen leaving for pennslyvania. i was prepared to tell them goodbye when they left. but this.. this is so sudden, its just... oh i dont know.. this morning, when my dad drove me to school, i was thinking too much about all this crap. i was trying so hard to hold back the tears. i didnt want to cry infront of my dad and my sister and her friend. but then "Dust in the Wind" came on the radio and i just closed my eyes and tears streamed down my face. i dont know if my dad saw or not. but it was not a very good way to start off the day. and the rest of the day wasnt much better. and im sure everyone else had a pretty bad day as well. ok then, time to go to sleep.